Generation Greedy and Other Random Thoughts

I’ve thought a lot about this generation of teenagers and what we should call them, this after speaking with many parents. While I am from the “Baby Boomer” generation and my husband is from Generation X, both of us are quite similar in thoughts and ideas; whereas this current generation is a whole lot different. They could be called the “Lightening” Generation. With technology everything is at lightening speed and so they expect everything to be the same way. They could also be called Generation “Greedy”! I want it right now and YOU OWE me. And do you know who did this, the Baby Boomers and Generation X. Not these two old codgers, we don’t buy them cell phones, cars, computers or all those expensive things. But guess what, ours still have that mentality, no matter how hard we have tried; the influences outside the house are much stronger than ours. We just can't wait to see how it works for them into adulthood when they have to get a "Real" job, pay their own bills and buy the stuff themselves. This will be especially enlightening since now they make noises of me having to work on my birthday and or theirs. This is real life kids. Get over it. I was even denied a day off to attend family therapy and a birthday lunch for one of my daughters with my family because I am now responsible for ensuring that all 300 of our employees time is processed by close of business every other Thursday so they will all get paid on time. Doesn't make me happy to have to live my life around this work event every two weeks, but it is one of my job responsibilities that I have just been given and I am the one who is responsible and my back up has already been scheduled off. I am grateful to have a job -something my children do not understand at this point in their lives, I am hoping that someday they will. I am a federal employee and have been employed continuously for the past 31 years and am proud of my work record and work ethic. Yes, family should come first, but Kelvin is my wonderful solid rock of a husband who understands and he knows what to tell the therapist tomorrow when they all go. I can call in by conference call if I need to tell them something. Life isn't fair, but hey, I get paid really well and it puts food on the table and clothing and pays the majority of the bills. I can actually retire in 3 years, but am going to wait 9 years as that is when our youngest child is scheduled to graduate high school and we will be childless. Working on what we call the 9 yr plan to pay OFF debt, put the house on the market and move into an apartment. We want to buy a small motor home to travel each summer and school break that Kelvin has off after I retire is our dream. He is younger than I am and won’t be able to retire for about 12 years after me. But we won't need the huge “Hybrid Manor” any more when all the children are grown and I too really want to unclutter our house. We are beginning to do some of that even now. I even bought a small book on how to begin to live without clutter. After reading several chapters, I found that I am emotionally attached to stuff...but wait, it is just stuff, and the memories are mine and not this stuff. OM Gosh I am materialist....something I said I would NEVER be. So far we have Decluttered 3 bedrooms and we have one more bedroom to do a make over on and that will include, removing the carpet and replacing it with tile, repainting and putting up new curtains/blinds and updating the bedding. This will more than likely be the last update we do before we get ready to place the house on the market in 7 years. After my medical scare last week and seeing the neurologist regarding my abnormal CT scan, I am continuing my medical testing and so far all labs are normal and so is my carotid artery ultra sound. I am waiting on results of the 24 hour holter monitor and my echocardiogram. My final test is an MRI of my brain with and without contrast. As everything so far is normal and I have none of the usual risk factors associated with stroke, unless any of the unread tests are abnormal, chances are they are never going to figure out "Why" I have had these strokes or how long ago they occurred as they didn't leave a “postmark” so to speak. So my diagnosis will most likely be “Stroke and TIA”, but the cause AKA “etiology” unknown - a fancy term basically stating that they don’t know. For now I will continue to take a daily dose of baby aspirin and go on with my life. This is a reminder to the children that no one lives forever on this earth and we aren’t promised tomorrow. This is especially close to home for me as I talked to my mother one night, told her I loved her and would talk to her the next day. The next morning came and my brother called to tell me she was gone – no sign NOTHING, she was gone at age 59 and to this day 20 years later, I still miss her. So live each day as it is your last on earth with integrity (You never know whose looking), laugh often, love deeply and don’t be afraid to apologize to someone or tell them that you love them, you never know when it is the last time you will have a chance to do it.

I've Seen the Judges Order

Ok, I have now seen the order from his hearing yesterday and I don’t believe what I am seeing. It says that he will have his permit within 90 days as one of the conditions of his probation. His older sister picked up his papers today when she paid part of his fine. She asked the probation officer about what he said about us having to get him a permit because the judge said so and she also told the probation officer that we said we were not going to get him a permit and she said we had to. Now mind you OUR name is NO WHERE on these forms, they are all in HIS name. We don't understand this at all and when I asked my son what made the judge say this (like he is going to tell me the truth anyway) he said that the judge was concerned because he had such difficulty getting to probation and community service and he was way too OLD to be walking and riding a bike; he needed his permit to get to his probation and community service. Ok- so whose car is he going to use? Also did anyone bother to ask his parents AKA Guardians why he doesn't have ONE? Or better yet why WE weren’t taking him? No – so guess what HE still isn't getting one. The reason that he was on probation to begin with is because he failed to come home and when he was found by the police at his friends house he was under the Influence of Drugs and ALCOHOL (and admitted to being so)– DUH. I could seriously go to the local news media with this one, and I am sure that it will be picked up by the NETWORKS and they would have so much fun with this. The standard to get a permit at our house for any child has always been the child must be passing EVERYTHING in school with a 70 (or above) (which we lowered from 80 several years ago); you cannot constantly be in trouble at school, do chores on assigned day MOST of the time, be respectful and polite. Not too difficult right? Well now along comes our son - Mr. I fail everything at school but PE, I won't and don’t have to do chores, I won't be respectful at all and I don't have to do what you tell me, I wear my pants below my cheeks, walking and talking like a gangsta and we have to just throw our standards out the window and give him a permit because he isn’t getting to probation or community service? What message is this sending to the other 5 children who are younger in this house – Mess up and get a REWARD? When is someone going to listen to the people who have to TOLERATE his JUNK every day? It’s sad to say that we are counting down the days until he turns 18 (129 to be exact) and we won't be held legally responsible for letting him get behind the wheel of a car and potentially injuring or far worse killing someone. My husband just pulled up the requirements for getting a permit in the state of GA and one of those requirements for those under the age of 18 is – that they must still be in school AND have no conduct issues (He has 4 pages of conduct issues) so the school isn’t going to sign off on this anyway and therefore, he can’t get one – unless they want to order the school to sign of on it. NEXT! As I have said before – We can OUTWIT, OUTLAST and OUTPLAY any child. We are “Survivors”.

The Judge Said We Were to Do What!

Well the enabler crew came back from court last night and I was so outraged and what we were told that I could not possible write about it. Mr. Probation stated that he got the following additional consequences:

1. An additional 110 hours of community service to do-which brings his total up to 220 hours and he is to have it completed within 60 days or he goes to jail. (This is good and I fully agree with this)

2. He also told us that he has to have his learners permit within 60 days as well. I was told that HE had to have it or he would go to jail. Smirking as he told me…Yeah right son, Make BAD choices and get rewarded. I wasn’t born yesterday. Last time I looked you had to have parent or guardian consent prior to age 18 and he is ONLY 17 and won’t be 18 until June. There is a valid reason why he doesn’t have one – Our family therapist advised us 3 years ago to NOT get him one and for us to make him wait until 18 when he would have to sign for his own based on his behavior issues at the time and the extreme liability that he could cause us with his behavior issues should he have a license. His behavior and anger are far worse now then at that time. Putting him behind the wheel of a 2,000 lb killing machine - I DON’T THINK SO.

As we really don’t believe this stipulation, I will be making phone calls today. Hopefully someone will tell us which part of this is true. I don’t see how in a free country we can be forced to get ANY child a permit. Oh wait – let’s look at this – Is my son saying that the judge is saying that not allowing children to have a learners permit is cruel and unusual punishment and would court ordered cell phones for our children next, Oh wait – we will be forced to buy them the car of their choice and WE will have to pay for everything. Let me stop while I am ahead. Whew- thank goodness I woke up from this nightmare. I don’t believe that there is a Judge out there that would put themselves out on a limb and tell a parent that they have to get their child a learners permit, or he goes to jail for probation violation. (What part of this smells-I don’t do something and HE goes to jail). Not to mention the last time I looked it was a privilege and not a RIGHT. That really doesn’t send a good message to kids everywhere. Just make bad choices and you too can force your parents or guardian to get you your permit and heavens knows what. Somehow 2 and 2 aren’t adding up to 4 here, ya think?.

But I keep singing only 130 MORE DAYS to go, 130 More DAYS To GO – take the slip down and twirl yourself around, Only 129 MORE DAYS TO GO.

I think when and what I write is sometimes beneficial as I bang out my frustrations on the keyboard and I can do it with humor and it helps me to put it all into perspective and everyone knows that sometimes being too close to an issue is difficult and being able to step back and take a look at it from another angle really helps. I believe in the what goes around comes around philosophy and that god has a sometimes almost humerous way of getting our attention. This morning I was walking around Target when cell phone rang. It was from my daughter that is taking Mr. Probation to court tonight. She was MAD as a hornet because it seems that her GIANT, MONSTER, MEGA-BANK, has lost her grandfathers $600.00 deposit to pay for Mr. Probations fines tonights...Oooppps - Seems God is smacking someone up side the head to me. I said, honey, I am so sorry (while all the time thinking that this might be that exact moment). Got to love them anyway. She asked me what I would do about the banking issue and I provided her with what I would do and she thanked me and told me she loved me. See I raised another one who still loves me and she made it to adulthood. She even remarked that I am right on a lot of things..Ahh another "light bulb" vindicated moment. Love those as a mom.

Well my probation violater has to go to court today and has enlisted the help of his family members (his sister and her boyfriend). They are just two of the group of enablers that rescued him last week from jail. I talked to the enablers and found out that they have the money to pay his ENTIRE probation off (which they got from his birth grandfather-who wasn’t around to raise him and offerred to take him last summer, but when I called his bluff he backed out…hmmmm). Of course my son has not mentioned that any money is being given to him – that’s why my services weren’t needed tonight he didn't want me knowing. I fussed her out and she said please don’t be mad at me – I didn’t give him the money. I told her – WOW – He isn’t going to learn anything from this. But what do I know. We have had to live with I won’t do chores man or I won’t do what you ask either man and I am rude to you man! Is my frustration showing yet? From my perspective, the probation officers in this county appear to be only concerned with one thing and that is getting the MONEY rather than talking to the parents of a 17 year old to help change the behaviors so they don’t end up in the BIG penal system. So now they are getting their wish- $$$$$. So do I just give up – and wave the white flag on this kid and let him just wait to get into trouble again. He will be 18 in 4 months and he can go and live with them once we are no longer legally responsible for him. I have said my piece to the others and they know where I stand. I have also called an IEP meeting for today where I am CANCELLING his IEP. As he is almost 18 and still in the 10th grade it is very obvious that he is not applying himself, not to mention that he has also been disruptive in school. Did I mention he was only in the 10th grade? We believe because of his IEP he has not been charged with Disruptive of Learning even though we were told by the school police officer that he more than qualified to be charged based on the 3 pages of discipline episodes and he was actually going to charge him, but for some reason he never was. I want this last barrier cleared away. He doesn’t want to learn anyway – that’s pretty obvious when last semester he passed PE and he has earned only 3-4 credits for the past 3 semesters when he had the opportunity to have 12. I think I forgot to mention that he is only in the 10th grade. The last time I looked you don’t get a diploma for passing 28 or 32 credit hours of PE. ----Grrrrr, so it’s time to throw the IEP out the window. So tonight after court the enablers will come home for dinner bringing with them the one and only Mr. Rude Obnxious, Won’t Do Chores and U Can’t Make Me, U Can’t Tell Me What To Do and lest not forget Mr. Smug Man (cause he thinks he has outsmarted us) and then they will retreat to the quiet solace of their lovely residence 70 miles away. They still forget I am a “Survivor” – I can OUTWIT, OUTLAST and OUTPLAY any child in this house. I may get discouraged, but then I regroup. It’s not about winning, it’s about being the lone survivor and this we will be. Yes we signed on for this adventure in parenthood, but could someone please tell the DOT, to have the crews to fill in some of the potholes in the road. A couple of them are bordering on sink holes.

I sit here writing this and am shaking my head at the phone call I just received from our 17 year old daughter who turned our life upside down this past summer and whom now lives with her relatives. Of course she didn't call just to chat. She called because she wanted something. Always a motive behind this child, which is sad, because she has such a bright future ahead if she would just stop and realize that she needs to change. Unfortunately 12 years of therapy never did anything to help her. Therapy is alot like weight loss, it only works if you accept things about yourself and make changes, something that she was never willing to do. For that I feel a great deal of saddness for her. I love her but she makes me angry with her attitude. She said that she wouldn't change a thing about what she did to us - no remorse which is even scarier. Reminds me of when she was in grade school and teachers said they couldn't give her consequences, she was just so cute. I in my usual smart alec manner said "If she were an ugly child would you?" Made many a teacher angry at me for that one. And so it goes in the trenches. We have to maintain and try to help the six still at home who are more than willing to live here and accept our love and guidance. One of children being the stand up comic that he is pointed out "Well - We don't have any relatives that will take us" which while true is in itself so sad. Trying to maintain normalcy or should I say teach them normalcy and hope that they grasp the concept in the short time we have to try to deal with their past and have them turn out to be contributing members to society is the name of the game right now.

My first blog

It's our crazy life with 11 children, 10 of whom are adopted. Each one comes dragging that invisible steamer trunk full of issues like "Jeep Jeep" from the Popeye cartoons. Someof the childrens issues rear their ugly heads from time to time and go back into the trunk; while others continue to keep the door wide open constantly trying to figure out new and improved ways to keep stirring the pot and keep the drama flowing watching from the sidelines with glee because this is what makes them tick. But so is the trauma of the adopted child. You will never know what your child has experienced when they are coming from the foster care system because no matter how well the family is screened and even though the kids may have removed 5 years before you got them, there is still a lot that we as their adoptive parents may NEVER know that they have experienced. I can say this from 13 years of in the trenches experience. I love my children with all my heart and will fight for them every inch of the way to help make them successful individuals, but I never know the depths of their souls and how damaged they are. Every once in a while will they show me a glimpse into their souls.